A Surprisingly Good Day!

Today turned out to be a really good day. I started my morning with a prayer session with Misti, which set the tone for everything that followed. After that, I had therapy, where I finally allowed myself to have a much-needed cry.

It made me wonder—could the hormone patches I was on have been preventing me from shedding tears? It’s been eight weeks since I stopped using them, and now, for the first time in so long, I can actually release my emotions through tears.

Marilyn gave me a few suggestions during our session. She wants me to get more natural vitamin D by walking at least three times a week. She also encouraged me to be mindful of what I consume mentally, suggesting I switch from reality shows to more uplifting Hallmark-type content—because, whether I realize it or not, all that negativity seeps into my subconscious. She also advised me to talk to my doctor about possibly adjusting my medications since I’ve been on the same dose for three years, and my body might have built up a tolerance.

On top of that, she mentioned that she thinks I’d be a good candidate for EMDR therapy. It makes sense, considering how much trauma I’ve been working through. Honestly, I’m open to anything that could help me heal on a deeper level.

School ended up being fantastic today! I found out we only have nine more classes with Bella (Bully)—thank you, Abba! Last week, she threatened Asia. SMH. And then, one of the other new girls, who already graduated from the EKG and phlebotomy course, couldn’t even last a week in the evening class before switching to days because of all the drama. It made me sad to see her go because she seemed like she would have been a great addition to our class. But at the same time, her decision reassured me—it wasn’t just in my head. I wasn’t overreacting. My feelings were very much valid.

I also had the privilege of helping Debbie tonight as she obtained her final stick—I was her number 100! She only has a couple more weeks until her clinicals and I know she's going to do a fantastic job as a CMA. Whoever she ends up working for is going to be blessed. Her bedside manner is so caring and she has such a natural way of making people feel at ease. As close as I am with Kiki, Asia, and Kris, Debbie is the only one from my class who checked on me the week I was absent. That really meant a lot to me. She's been such a mentor throughout my journey so far and I've learned so much from her. She will definitely be missed.

Tomorrow will be a bonus for me because class will be online because the instructors have a seminar. I'm also glad I had the courage to go tonight because it was Lexi's last night with us. She's beginning her clinicals on Wednesday at a family clinic. I also got some exciting news—I might be able to do my internship at a dermatologist’s office! That would surely be a dream come true!

On a another positive note, I’m definitely noticing a change in Miss Miller. She’s actually teaching now, and I can see that she’s making an effort to improve. I realize she’s a very young teacher, and I respect that she was able to take the criticism that the class gave her and make the necessary changes. Tonight, she did a fantastic job teaching us about EKGs—I learned what's allowed and not allowed on the patient, lead placement, and how to operate the machine.

But what I’m most proud of today is that I didn’t give in to the fear of going to school. I was scared, but I showed up anyway. And that took strength. The truth is, I couldn’t do any of this without therapy. It’s helping me work through so much, and without it, I don’t think I’d be making the progress I am now.

All in all, today was a good day. And for that, I am grateful.

But as good as today was, my heart still aches for my kids. I miss them so much and I pray they are doing well. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them. My hope and prayer is that one day soon our relationship will be restored better than it ever was before.